American Values Series #1

Feb 19, 2025. eflsuccess.com ⇔

Underlined vocabulary terms are defined below, followed by discussion questions

The family was a key building block of American culture. Immigrants were grateful for America’s opportunities to earn a decent living and educate their children, as well as to worship freely and escape old-world politics. In almost every culture that mixed together to become America, a strong father led his family. Traditions taught everyone their place in a structured, extended family. But “the family” in America is changing, as traditions clash with American values like technology, education and individualism.

As late as the 1980s, families watched a single TV-set together or played a board game after sharing a meal. Then came cheaper TVs with more channels, then computers (with games), followed by the Internet and smartphones. Today, family members grab “convenience” food and head to their own rooms with a smartphone (social media) and countless “streaming” entertainment choices. Technology and personal choices are pushing families apart.

Education, another top American value, also strains the family. First, a parent’s educational achievement often means moving to a distant city for work, and perhaps relocating often. This takes the nuclear family far from older parents, siblings, other relatives, church friends, and so forth. In addition, parents who highly value education fill their children’s time with studying (books, music, sports…). Meanwhile, less-educated parents often leave their children’s futures to teachers, coaches, or grandparents while they pursue their own interests. Both extremes weaken family unity.

Individualism is another factor. Many parents put their pleasures or careers over their kids. Kids put themselves over siblings or the family. Both children and parents feel closer to friends than family, because of a shared interest like sports, games, church or a hobby. And progressive educators, social media, and entertainers push “individual mental health” and “personal identity” (and related “sexual identity”) above all other values. Children are told: “You are free to be yourself, whether that means gender fluidity, top student, couch potato, pot smoker, or football star. Your parents should respect your choices.” Many parents agree, accepting a child’s poor choices (showing disrespect, iPhone addiction, poor nutrition, drugs, sexual immorality, laziness, etc.). Meanwhile, adults also put individual desires first. They put a career, hobby or new romance over the expectations of a spouse, a child, or their extended family. Traditional values like discipline, hard work, and delayed gratification have given way to self-fulfillment and the pursuit of personal happiness.  

The traditional family had a husband & wife and two/three kids. Today, families often include children from a parent’s earlier marriage(s), adopted children, a single parent and/or parents of the same gender. Everyone has their own favorite activities and non-family relationships. Changing ideas about and opportunities to work affect the family budget. Immediate gratification also fuels personal debt, further straining the family. 

Maybe it’s wishful thinking to hope for a return to families who were self-sufficient, picked up altruistic values at church, helped disciplined children prepare for careers, and got along with their neighbors. Or maybe the recent tide of immigrants who value the extended family will bring new life, faith and strength to the American family. 

Vocabulary:

(underlined words are vocabulary terms; *key terms) [click here for common English abbreviations]

• *building block = a part of something bigger; a child’s toy, where small bricks/boxes are put together to build a house, etc.
• *immigrant = someone who leaves his home country to settle and become a citizen in a new country
• *to earn a decent living = to have a job that pays enough (not “a lot” but not too little money)
• *tradition = a belief, custom, or way of doing something that has existed for a long time; [uncountable] all of these beliefs, customs, etc., in general.
• nuclear family = parents and children living together while the children grow up
• extended family = the nuclear family plus other relatives such as grandparents, adult brothers and sisters, cousins, etc.
• *to clash = to conflict; to fight because of different beliefs or opinions
• technology = the practical application of scientific knowledge to do things better; new equipment and ways of doing things that reflect growing or modern knowledge
• individualism = the belief that the needs of each person are more important than the needs of the group or the society
• *board game = a game 3-6 people play around a table on a specially designed mat
• relocate = to move to another place (especially because you found a better job, or your company wants you to work at a different place)
• *sibling = brother or sister
• progressive (educators) = emphasizing individual instruction, informality, free-thinking, and other non-traditional ideas in the classroom (instead of making students memorize facts, spelling, “the right answer”, etc.)
• gender fluidity = not strictly identifying oneself as always male or female (someone might “feel” like one or both at different times)
• couch potato = a person who spends a lot of time lying on a sofa, watching TV
• *romance = love, or a feeling of being in love
• delayed gratification = choosing to wait because of a promise of something better later (for example: saving money for weeks to buy a computer with your cash, instead of spending it on pizza and beer each week)
• *gratification = doing something because it feels good; rewarding yourself (“The gratification of a delicious meal or healthy exercise is a good thing, but gambling and getting drunk bring a sense of gratification with a very high cost.”)
• wishful thinking = an idea that is probably impossible in real life
• *self-sufficient = able to provide all the things you need; not being dependent on others (“A self-sufficient family would earn enough to pay the bills, take good care of each other, and enjoy fun activities as a family.”)
• altruistic = focused on the good of another person, over yourself (“Mary took a meal to her sick neighbor for purely altruistic reasons.”)
• guard rail = metal barriers along a road that help prevent cars from going down steep hills, into rivers, etc. (especially in bad driving conditions)

Discussion:

Are there any terms you want to ask your teacher about? (As always, please do not answer any question that makes you uncomfortable.)

1. *Talk about something you found surprising or interesting in today’s article.
2. Share about one time when you had an especially fun time and/or meaningful time with some of your family members that helped your family feel closer with each other.
3. *America is a country where almost everyone descended from immigrants. How has that helped America to develop? What problems come with ongoing immigration?
4. *Has the role or importance of the family changed in your culture during the past 20 years?  If so, what has changed?
5. Some of the values mentioned in the article include family (esp. the good things that come with an extended family), technology, education, individualism, self-sufficiency, faith/religion, discipline, altruism, delayed gratification, and hard work. Choose from this list (or name a different value); which value do you think is the most important family value? Explain. 
6. How has modern technology helped family relationships and hurt family relationships today?  Explain.
7. *Why (give several reasons) do you think “the American family” has changed so much in the past 40 years?
8. *Many Christians believe that traditional faith put up social “guard rails” to provide order to families, prevent unwanted pregnancies, give children a moral compass, etc. Talk about the good and bad results of removing these “guard rails” over the past 40 years. 
9. In your opinion, should Americans return to traditional family values?  Do you think it is even possible to return to traditional family values? Explain.
10. *In addition to the values mentioned in question 5, here are some more: clear standards for right & wrong, mutual respect, obedience to parents, fidelity, hard work, honesty, responsibility, humble attitude, kindness, politeness, unselfishness, generosity, discipline, etc. –  What 2-3 values do you think will or should be most important in your family?  Explain why each value you choose is important to you.

If you still have time, read and talk about these ancient Proverbs. How could they help someone have a better family?

¹⁷ It is better to eat vegetables with people who love each other
    than to eat good meat with people who hate each other.
¹⁸ Angry people bring quarrels, but patient people bring peace.
²⁰ A wise child makes his father happy. But a foolish person does not respect his mother.
²² Without good advice, your ideas will never happen. 

       But you will do well if you have many advisors.
²³ It makes you happy when you give a good answer to a question.
    It is good when you find the right thing to say at the right time.

              – from Prov 15: 17-23 (EasyEnglish Bible)

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Sources include
Article and definitions from Kathy Williams; Personal survey

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